now some people see enlightenment for sages and mystics, that it brings a person further away from reality and that enlightened people are above everyone, which is a completely false perception. enlightened people are just like everyone else. however, this article states that “Part of the problem is Enlightenment can mean many things. Bringing light to dark places, bringing clarity, and perceiving the truth are a few different interpretations. But ultimately, Enlightenment is understanding your true nature. It’s the realization that you are not a separate ego, you are the eternal, unbounded energy of the universe.” The same article explains that enlightenment helps you realize:

* Death and birth are an illusion.
* Life is a dream with the brain awake.
* Beliefs are subjective. Something is only true if you believe it is.
* Life is essentially one, everything is consciousness.
* You are eternal and there is no reason to fear death, or anything for that matter. Essentially, if you are experiencing fear, there’s a bug in your consciousness.
* What you do to others, you are really doing to yourself.
* You know yourself through the difference of others, you perceive in others the reflection of yourself. i.e. if you think everyone else is an asshole, it just might be you.
* Because we are all one, compassion and love become the highest principles.

so in reality it means “living life more fully, passionately and fearlessly.” these are all characteristics which i have begun to see in my own life over the past year or two as my own personal growth evolves. in addition to those points above, there are also a series of agreements i have made with myself to recover my personal freedom again: using the power of my word to go with myself rather than against it; never taking anything anyone does or says personally; no longer make assumptions as it only creates a lot of unnecessary drama in the end (don’t assume others know what i’m thinking or how i feel), don’t believe myself and my inner voice of knowledge when that voice is used against me; and, listen to what other people have to say, but don’t believe what they tell me unless i feel they are speaking from their integrity.

i wouldn’t say i am totally enlightened, but definitely feel that with these ideas in mind that it is the direction i am heading towards in order to bring about a greater feeling of inner peace.

maybe i just expect too much from myself and other people. perhaps it’s my idealistic vision for everything that clouds over the true reality. sometimes i wish i could just let go of all of my baggage–the goals, the vision, the expectations–and actually let go and live life the way so many other people are able to without worrying about everything else. i’ve been trying to at times recently, but it’s definitely hard to do.

he then relates this situation with his grade school days when in elementary school… looking back at how much of a waste of time everything was now that we realize it. he suggests that it was a huge waste of time “learning addition, long division, multiplication tables, the revolutionary war, over…and over…and over again…1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade, 4th grade…on and on and on. oh to think about all the other things that could’ve been learned! like maybe something about world history? foreign languages? art theory/practice? the possibilities are endless. now as sad as that is to think about the waste of a child’s mind in the hands of an educational system that caters to the lowest common denominator, would i not be repeating the same pattern as an adult if i just kept going to church every week of my life getting spoon-fed the same words in exactly the same way every week?”

this is very similar to how i feel about things. if you compare our education system in the united states with those in foreign countries, especially across europe and eastern asia, ours definitely is put to shame. in a way i feel like i’ve been robbed of the ability to gain a more diverse wealth of knowledge and education. why aren’t we taught a lot more while we are younger and more capable of remembering/learning it? why don’t we have the ability to learn a foreign language until high school rather than during elementary school which would be much easier? why don’t we value the power of knowledge as much as we should? for most people, learning ends once they graduate… especially if only graduating from high school. that’s not what life is about. we should be curious… questioning everything and needing to know more about the world that surrounds us. we should be learning throughout our entire lives, which is why i don’t think many people are an expert at anything… being an expert suggests one is all-knowing. no one is all-knowing; there will always be something more and a deepening personal evolution before us.

my feet have been in a constant state of pain from walking around as much as i do (ok… so i can’t resist a long walk on a nice day no matter how pain my feet give me). so, going to the gym 6 days a week which is a forty minute walk each way (almost an hour and a half of walking), then cycling class 3 days a week (i’m getting monster thighs), and doing my random walks all over the city on the weekends, which usually amounts to three to five hours of walking non-stop. apparently my feet don’t approve of this too much! oh well, they’ll get over it, and if not, then i’ll have to deal with it lol. i found out some awesome trails near seattle that are easily accessible via public transportation (bus or ferry), such as out on bainbridge island. i will probably have to hit up one this weekend since the weather is supposedly going to cooperate.

oh, and that’s another thing i’ve noticed. the weather forecasts here are usually inaccurate. it can rain out of nowhere even if the forecast calls for partly cloudy conditions. nevertheless, it could rain all the time and i would still love it. living in the south has made me sick of seeing the sun as much as we did so the less i see it up here the better!

ok… if you’ve read this far i’m sure you’re sick of my rambling (and probably extremely bored) so i will close…. now.

i came across this blog post which further explains this disease and realized i’m not the only one. anyway, it’s definitely a good read…

so what about this piece of paper i have after going through six and a half years of college? don’t get me wrong, i highly value my architectural education and degree that i have received, not to mention all the things i learned and experienced and friends i made along the way. those are probably more valuable to me than that piece of paper. however, leading up to my college graduation and especially thereafter, i began to feel lost and uncertain as to what i wanted exactly. most of my classmates were quickly nailing down positions with various architecture firms across the country, but i knew this was not really what i wanted at this point in my life. i wanted more. i needed more. i longed for more. so what was this that i really wanted? i wasn’t sure then, and still am not 100% sure now though the answers are beginning to take shape as time progresses.

so i really do enjoy what i do now and where i’m at. there is great potential where this path is headed, but it all depends on what my desires happen to be or how they evolve over time that determines which benefits i am able to encounter. i feel that i have greater creative flexibility and potential now than i know i would have working at a medium or larger firm. plus, my highly independent and entrepreneurial spirit simply feels claustrophobic and trapped with such a predictable daily routine that a corporate job offers. i don’t like predictability. i like how none of my days are really the same… how i am able to enjoy other passions in life alongside work… how i am not a slave to my job or place of employment like so many people are. i don’t like having one job title, one career or one task or series of tasks that i perform every day.

when i explain what i currently do and have done, some people tell me that it’s like being a ‘renaissance man’ of sorts. why? well to start with i have a degree in architecture and have several years of experience working in the field already. then there’s what i am currently doing, which is more interactive development, programming and graphic design. i’m in the process of teaching myself japanese with other languages to follow. photography and audio mixing/production are just now beginning to get into the mix more (hopefully much more as time progresses). then later on there’s video production. oh, and i’m currently doing research for my manifestation i will start writing this summer, which will examine the future of urban10 and what it to become.

there is too much out there to experience, learn and absorb to be so restrictive for the sake of money or one’s career. money may be important to some people, that’s fine. but how many of those who hold jobs simply for the sake of money are truly happy? so by freelancing i may not have the job security that others may have. but, i enjoy the randomness, independent and dynamic nature of my life too much to seek otherwise. so what will tomorrow bring? i don’t have the slightest idea…

So now is the time when i look back at the events of last year that have helped to shape my life and led to where i am at now…

so what all happened last year? well, let’s just go through my multiple moves as that’s probably what defined last year the most. at the beginning of january, i moved from nyc to wilmington, delaware with my sister for about a week or so (1). then, right before the spring semester started back home in austin, i moved from wilmington to la grange with my parents for a little under a week until i found a place in austin (2). when i finally found a place in austin a couple of days before classes resumed, i moved from la grange to austin (3). this is when i roomed with eric which was definitely a great time that semester. so i remained settled there until our lease was up at the end of may, only a couple of days after graduation. at this point, i was trying to decide if i wanted to move from texas then or wait a little longer. going with the latter, i had to find a summer sublease…expecting to have things nailed down in nyc as to what i was going to do. so i had to move in austin again (4). so i remained there through the summer, during which i had several interviews with companies for an interactive developer position in nyc and thought things were getting closer to being finalized. i was wrong! since things were not figured out by the end of that summer sublease, i stayed in a spare room at a friend’s house there in austin, which was another move (5). i was there for about 3 weeks, and as the job prospects in nyc were looking grim (i don’t settle for just any job), i decided to move to atlanta with lee and todd just to escape texas finally and permanently (6). this was meant to be a stepping stone to nyc, but after thinking about things more seattle has become a strong possibility as well as well as alternative job prospects. so this is where the year has ended…living in seattle and having moved a total of six times last year. yuk!

in addition to moving, i also traveled more than normal. early in the year i visited phoenix (jan) and seattle (feb) as part of my architecture studio’s research project. in june i visited friends in atlanta. at the end of july, i flew to nyc twice within a week for interviews. then in september on my move to atlanta, i met up with friends in new orleans for the night.

many events and friends along the way also had positive effects throughout the year, but the most major event was graduation from college at the end of may. that was six and a half long years in the making and it finally happened! reflecting upon these last six years while in college, it’s truly amazing to realize how much i have really changed and grown as a person since then… all my friends and experiences having their own effect on that. last year probably had the greatest effect on me, and is probably the first time i had felt the most comfortable with who i am and life as a whole, which indeed has not been the case for a while.

so in essence, 2006 was simply an extension of my college years… the intermediate, winding down period and the last hoorah before i enter the real world. 2007 has arrived and college is officially over… it’s time to choose a path to follow and finally make things happen. time to begin realizing my goals and setting new ones. it’s finally time to be decisive for once and more forward.

so should i even make such a goal… a goal to travel some place new next year? i keep telling myself that my next place to visit is japan and i have even been teaching myself some japanese in preparation for it. then there’s also amsterdam, australia/new zealand, chile, alaska, and several places in europe. am i simply going to once again let myself down if i don’t make it to japan next year? hrm… probably. even then, i have not been keeping up with my japanese or even my french for that matter, both of which are slowly getting worse as time goes by. furthermore, i have several other passions/interests that i have yet to even touch on or experience, so am i just not pushing myself hard enough?

so yes, my life appears inept, fumbling and unambitious at this point.