it’s about that time of year and i can already feel it coming on… the multi-week period where i reflect upon where i’m at now in life, what i’ve done and where i’m heading. last year it turned into a two-week period of depression, or funk, due to the accumulating stress from my highly uncertain move to new york (which ended up being seattle) and my career path. yeah, it sucked. this year i don’t think it will become a repeat of last year but rather a period of much deeper contemplation, reflection and critique.
i typically don’t like to evaluate my past as it’s never good to look back, but recently this has been all that i have been doing. are there things i would have done differently? anything i regret? did i choose the right path to get to where i am now? these questions have been asked in conjunction with the global question of what exactly my purpose is. in my post the other day i was ranting about how working from home for yourself is not really all it’s cracked up to be, and that the isolation (no co-workers or office environment) was beginning to take its toll by providing me with too much time to think about everything. and my current position in life… is it where i really want to be? yeah i have a lot going for me and there is definitely great potential in where things are heading. however, is it really what i want out of life? i am a very socially-minded and adventurous person who feels i should give back to society in the most beneficial way i possibly can for the betterment of the overall good. does my current path satisfy this? is it time for a new adventure?
when my sister joined the coast guard back in the day, i had actually considered going that route as well after high school. a few years ago while still going to college, that thought crossed my mind again, and it has resurfaced recently as well. is that the adventure i seek…. something that completely turns my life upside down and into a completely different direction? a new challenge? would it be for the betterment of the social well-being? part of this train of thought has probably come about after hanging out and talking with a friend stationed here in bremerton, wa in the navy who is planning on getting sent to the uss enterprise in virginia in march after which will depart for the mediterranean (primarily rome, italy). to me it sounds like he is experiencing life more than i am, but then again i am always highly critical of myself and my life so maybe i am blinded by the dark cloud i shroud my life in most of the time? and again, i am not a pessimistic person as some may think… i just feel that we all have a greater purpose to society while we are here, and i like to take the time to occasionally evaluate where i am relative to the whole. i love traveling, and i love challenging myself to the limit. some of my best life experiences where i grew the most from was living and studying in france for a summer and london for two weeks a few years ago. same thing goes for living in new york on my own for seven months back in 2005.
now i’m not saying the coast guard or military duty is the end-all solution as i’m sure there are many other answers, but this has just taken the stage due the opportunities abound. maybe i just need to take a long trip somewhere to clear my head… someplace far away like japan (where i really want to go next) or even alaska (jen and bruce, ur moving up there right? 
). i would consider going back to school if it wasn’t for the large amount of student debt i have already accumulated during the 6.5 years i was in school (are there really that many zeros? ugh the pain!). but then again what would i go to school for? probably not architecture as that seems too limiting when i have multiple areas of interest.
who knows. it’s not even november (which is the month during which i do the most self-reflection and criticism) and all of these thoughts have already filled my head. it could be a rather long month…