after catching up with several friends this morning online, several of which who are currently in france or other international destinations studying or have recently returned, i cannot help but reflect on my recent times and think that i am a huge slack-ass. recall the study abroad program i took part in during the summer of 2004 in france? yeah, some of those from our group have returned back to france and have even in some cases been there at least two years. a co-worker and fellow intern of mine from weiss/manfredi’s office last year has been in france studying for quite a while. so what is it? is it a matter of some being better off than myself… able to afford to study abroad for long periods of time? or rather, is it simply the fact that i am not as ambitious as i once believed? shouldn’t i take advantage of living in this ‘inbetween’ stage right out of college to do more of that? more traveling abroad? if i wait too long then doesn’t that potential greatly diminish over time? and then look at my job search, which i must admit has also seriously lacked ambition these last couple of months. why, i ask? i’m still not certain, but perhaps my goals have evolved this past year… those goals and paths that were at one point so clear and defined several years ago.
so should i even make such a goal… a goal to travel some place new next year? i keep telling myself that my next place to visit is japan and i have even been teaching myself some japanese in preparation for it. then there’s also amsterdam, australia/new zealand, chile, alaska, and several places in europe. am i simply going to once again let myself down if i don’t make it to japan next year? hrm… probably. even then, i have not been keeping up with my japanese or even my french for that matter, both of which are slowly getting worse as time goes by. furthermore, i have several other passions/interests that i have yet to even touch on or experience, so am i just not pushing myself hard enough?
so yes, my life appears inept, fumbling and unambitious at this point.