woke up this morning, not really wanting to get out of bed especially since i realized i was no longer in new york. i was feeling rather lethargic, skeptical and defeated for several reasons and was not ready to face yet another day. everything lately just seems like a continuous uphill battle at a time when i am feeling weaker than normal, professionally, socially and everything. there are so many distractions wearing me out that i just can’t seem to get anything accomplished, completed or find closure with. again i feel lost and highly self-critical… stuck in the inbetween in my life. maybe all of this has arisen due to all the thinking i have been doing lately, especially after the interview i had on tuesday. looking back now, there are so many things that i should have said but didn’t and now feel that it really hurt my chances at being rewarded with the job. also, i am unsure how many people they interviewed but my fear is that several were much more qualified than myself. maybe it’s just me being highly pessimistic as always again, but then again i still have not heard back what their decision is. i don’t know… it’s making me more nervous now than before or during the interview. ugh….
well, heading off to the gym… maybe that will help clear my head some.